Sunday 1 December 2013

Coming out...sort of

So this past week has been quite lively as I wrapped up Nanowrimo. I crossed the finish line a few days ago and I celebrated by actually seeing people. I had coffee with a friend who knows about my secret identity as a romance writer. I told him about an upcoming book deal and he, praisingly, told a mutual friend of ours who promptly congratulated me when we ran into each other on the sidewalk the following day. I was confused as to why she was congratulating me. Then she said, "for your book deal." I was somewhat taken aback but the acknowledgment felt nice.

Part of my choice to stay quiet about my identity has been that I am, by nature, the kind of person who dislikes attention. I don't know how to accept praise. I don't deal well with either compliments or criticism. I found in my other writing work that my ego was in a horrible place after things like readings. I suppose I prefer to observe others than be aware that I, too, am observed sometimes.

Last night and tonight, I told a whopping 12 or so people about my secret career. I was at a social function one night and there were many writers there so talking about Nanowrimo felt perfectly natural. Tonight I told my writing group - people who have taken my Creative Writing class in the past and who know me as a writing teacher. It was a vulnerable thing to do, but I wanted them to know. I wanted them to share in my excitement of having found a process and a form of vocation that works for me right now. I didn't share my chosen name and asked them to respect that it might take me a while to share everything and I might not at all. They respected it and even asserted that there is no shame in writing romance. I agree - I've been an avid romance consumer my entire adult life.

Part of my reluctance stems from knowing how my ego responds in my other professional writing life. I consider it a great privilege to be a writer and I love writing, but I find the business of it - the public life of it - entirely horrifying. I hate having to do social media as a writer (so I don't) and I hate being the center of attention at a reading. I actually don't like doing readings at all. Having a public persona or even being in public at all for that matter feels very far away from the act of creation. That's the side of it that intrigues me. That's the part I like. The rest of it is just a requirement.

I suppose that the pleasure of secrecy is, in part, avoiding the work of self-promotion. And the experiment for me lies in how this will affect my ego. So far, I find the act of writing erotic romance incredibly enjoyable and perhaps that is because I am only doing it for me and for me and my readers. In the past, I made the mistake of falling into the trap of identity as a specific kind of writer. I don't want to make that mistake anymore. I just want to write what inspires me. I hope that makes sense.


Wednesday 13 November 2013

Living the dream

The sun is shining. I have coffee and I'm off work today. The cat is chilled out. My writing space is cozy and warm. This is my heaven.

Tuesday 12 November 2013

Funny how that works

So I've been busy with Nanowrimo lately and suddenly my mind is flooded with more stories than I can humanly write. There are so many hot characters in my head and they all want their stories told. What's a girl to do?

I'm trying to keep up by taking breaks from the novel to jot down snippets of new stories that I promise myself I'll write after the month is over. Right now I'm almost at the mid-point of the novel and that's exciting, like reaching the summit of a mountain. The downhill slope will feel easier. At least that's what I think from my perspective right now. Who knows? Writing has a funny way of surprising the writer. It's entirely non-linear, non-neat, non-categorizable. That's what makes the process so fun. You just never know what's coming next.

Personally, I find Nanowrimo to be a fun way to write because the momentum is great. Bad for my poor wrists, but great for the story. Happy Nanoing to all the Wrimos out there.

Wednesday 6 November 2013

Irony

So I'm taking part in the famously crazy and awesome Nanowrimo this month, working on a sister story to the one that....drum roll, please....my editor at Totally Bound wants to publish! Yay! It's called All I Ever Wanted and I'll write about it later, when I know more about the release day. I'm in a busy time now with edits coming up. And now this new story, which my editor actually suggested as a spin-off from All I Ever Wanted. It is so fun and delightful. I'm over the moon.

The irony, of course, is that while I'm obsessing over these hot and heavy stories, I am also missing my lover terribly. It's torture. Delicious torture, I'll admit, but torture just the same. There's really nothing like a month of letting the leg hair grow, sweeping house work and all other responsibilities under the rug to follow the steamy story of my latest heroine.

I'm patient and so is my lover and we're both excited about this. There is really nothing that rivals the feeling of living the dream life. It's all good.

Wednesday 16 October 2013

The Fondue

I came across this free story site the other day and thought I'd add a little sensual flash fiction to the mix.  The fall weather makes me crave rich desserts like chocolate fondue. Time to pull out the sweaters and indulge a little.

Friday 11 October 2013

Desire in Long Term Relationships

Esther Perel gets it. This TED talk is really worth a watch, whether you are in a long term relationship or not. Can we want what we already have? Oh, yes. I believe we can.


Wednesday 9 October 2013

"Sometimes I sits and thinks...

Sometimes I just sits."

Remember that poster? My guidance counselor had it in her office nice to one with a kitten clutching onto a laundry line that read 'Hang in there'.

Lately I've had my head down. I'm working a lot. I'm hanging in. Sometimes it feels like all I do is 'sits and thinks', which is a big part of the writing process, but it's also an annoying part. (Where are my dang pages? Why aren't they piling up like they used to?)

Last night I hung out with my friend who is a screen writer. She is all about structure and we had a great debate about plot structure and romance/erotica. (She has written four screenplays in that genre.) Personally, I'm not one for following the set formula, but it was hard to justify myself to her. Our conversation really got me thinking.

Do love interests really have to have a 'cute meeting'? It makes me think of all the Meg Ryan movies I watched growing up. Goofy lady spills coffee on handsome guy. Their eyes meet. She's so cute, he doesn't care that his shirt is ruined. Maybe it's just me being a bad writer, but it seems a bit trite to follow these rules. But then I wonder how far a writer can veer out of the convention before the story totally falls apart and doesn't belong in the romance genre at all anymore.

I guess that's what I like about erotic fiction as opposed to romance. My understanding of erotic fiction is that encompasses anything that involves overtly sexual scenes that are intended to arouse. Plot structure is a bonus, but the story doesn't have to follow any kind of predictable unfolding.

The challenge for me as a writer is that the formulas seem boring and trite and my impulse to write is at least partly motivated by a desire to step out of the mould. But to a certain extent you have to give the reader what the reader wants, especially in genre fiction. That's my understanding anyway. But doesn't the reader also want to step out of the tired old patterns?

Must there always be that beat where the main character sees her love interest with a beautiful woman and huffs off ready to break up only to discover later that her boyfriend has a sister?

I guess the real issue is this. I was happy writing erotic fiction for the past couple of years, but recently I have started to want to write romance. Erotic romance, of course. And with romance comes formulas and cliches. I guess it's like any other type of genre writing. It's best to work within the genre's form, but to find a way to tell a fresh story. That's the challenge.

I've got a couple of awesome characters on my hands these days. I'm a little bit in love with both of them, so that helps. They don't seem to want to behave the way characters in romance novels often behave. They struggle with grieving and ambitions and societal pressures and they're kind of quiet. (I wonder where they get that from - heh heh.) And there's a scene with a dying dog that I really don't want to take out, but any 'expert' on romance would tell me it doesn't belong in a romance. Nobody wants to think about dying pets. Not hot. Not appropriate. But the way my characters bond over the incident is pretty telling.

So I return to the poster wisdom from the counselor's office at my old high school. I am a chimpanzee scratching my chin. Hmmm. Sometimes I sits and thinks. Sometimes I just sits.

Wednesday 2 October 2013

The Importance of Patience and Nice Guys

Just turned my latest novel into my editor. My fingers are crossed. I hope she likes it. The waiting part is the worst, but I understand that she is legitimately busy. I will be patient. I'm also waiting to hear back from another publisher about a short story I submitted. This is a waiting game, for sure.

Meanwhile, as a distraction, I'm focusing on another story I've neglected for a while. It's fun to get back to it. My main character's love interest is totally my type. He's a really nice guy. I tend to write nice guys, I guess because I like them the most.

It's funny how the stereotype is that the jerk gets the girl. I've dated jerks, too. I used to like them when I was considerably younger, but I'm all about nice people now. This guy, David, is incredibly sweet, and I love letting my heroine discover the layers of his kindness. He keeps it on the down low, so as not to seem like one of those 'nice guys' (who doesn't get the girl). It's a fine balance in the story, as I'm sure it is for a lot of guys in real life.

I have so much love for nice guys, the unsung heroes of our time. When I think of the guys I know in real life who inspire the character David, I'm filled with hope. I know a lot of really great men who are caring and compassionate and feminist in their politics and all around awesome. It baffles me that jerks get any attention at all. It really does.

Wednesday 25 September 2013

Ah...Fall

I love autumn. The leaves change colour and the air takes on that crisp, cool quality. The cravings for pumpkin lattes begin. There's a seriousness about this season that must have something to do with it being the start of the school year. I'm back at my desk more and eagerly working on some new stories. Last night, I finished a short story that I started roughly a year ago. It felt great to finish. I had been feeling guilty for leaving my two characters suspended mid-action for so long. It was important to give them the conclusion I felt they'd earned.

Now I'm moving on and looking at other characters whose stories I've started in a moment of inspiration and left hanging. Ever since September started, I've craved spending time with my characters again. I'm back at work in a serious way (my hours go way down in the summer and fall is my busy season). My social life right now revolves around my fictional friends. It's great. I love coming home from work and having a glass of wine and sitting down with my characters for a while. It's a lot like the satisfaction I imagine people get from almost any other hobby, be it knitting, painting or even playing games. It's cozy. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy. And it's a quiet indoor activity that I can do while listening to Mozart and watching the rain come down outside.

Cheers to fall!

Thursday 27 June 2013

My Introverted Fantasy Life

I grew up watching Jem. Remember her? Her dad left her a really cool machine named Synergy who could transform sweet bookish responsible Jerrica into rock star Jem via a pair of really awesome star-shaped earrings.

When I'm not writing as Destiny, I'm writing under the other name, my "real" name. Most of the time, I'm Jerrica but every now and then I get to be Jem. Why not mix the two and come out as a part time erotica writer? Well, that's where it gets really interesting.

I'm an introvert. This is my experiment. I want to see how a pseudonym affects my writing process. So far, I've noticed that it is quite a different experience to write and publish as Destiny. It's better. I think it is because my ego doesn't get involved. I don't criticize myself to the same extent that I usually do. I'm not as invested in how my work measures up. It's easier to let it be.

When I write under my other name, I'm self aware. Far too self aware. I often wind up disliking and discrediting my own work because I outgrow it. This is common. Most writers experience this. I do what I can to make peace with what I perceive as failure by learning and pouring my new knowledge into my new work. Again, not unusual. Every artist does this. It's how we grow.

As Destiny, however, it's a relief to discover that I don't do this. I have published a few stories. I see some flaws and, miraculously, they don't haunt me. Why? Maybe it's because I don't have the same expectations of my erotic material. Maybe it's because nobody but a handful of true confidantes knows my secret. I'm not sure.

What I do know is that having a secret identity gives me a lot of pleasure. I love having my own little fantasy world to turn to where I am an altogether different manifestation of myself. It's like being a super hero or a drag queen - totally awesome.

I'm still getting to know who Destiny is, and how she thinks. And how Destiny is different from "me". I love being Destiny. It's great fun.

Monday 15 April 2013

Lusty Lawyers

I'm so excited that my story, The Perfectly Inappropriate Dare, made it into Maxim Jakubowksi's Quick and Dirty anthology. I've been a fan of Jakubowski's work for many years and it was such a thrill to get the email from him announcing he'd accepted my story. The only thing better was the day I got a slip in the mail saying there was a package for me at the post office. I just got my two author copies and it is one sizzling collection.

My story is about a law student whose flirtation with a junior lawyer turns into a perfectly inappropriate situation.  Let's just say she gets what she wants. Wink, wink.


The Self Love Story

Here's a link to my first e-published short story, Virtual Office Self Love. I've mentioned this before, but it's about a woman who discovers her own inner goddess. In my opinion, that's probably the most important part of a woman's sexuality - her own private world.